I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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