We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
