Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
