i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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