Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
