Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

i think i'm in class. and blacked out.

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(440): View more from Ohio

yea ive hooked up with like half those guys

(1-440): View more from Ohio

and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag

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(847): View more from Illinois

another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?

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(518): View more from New York

I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.

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(712): View more from Iowa

You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.

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(224): View more from Illinois

As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.

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