that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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