I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape