YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!