i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
