Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
