Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.