Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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