I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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