shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
