my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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