I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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