bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
