just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
