he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
