I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The struggles of a small town man whore
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
