Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
