Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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