Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
