State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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