Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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