Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
