I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
