WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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