Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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