hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
