Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
