Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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