Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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