this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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