i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize