yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
