I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
