You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
