I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
