I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
