would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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