I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
