xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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