grandma shit on top of the toilet
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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