I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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