to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
