have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
