sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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