So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
