Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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