So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
