nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
