I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
