This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
