Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
