Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
