Swine flu is the new snow day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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