But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
