Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
