you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
