He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
