why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
