I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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