You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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