I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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