no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
