New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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