Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
