Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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