Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
