Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
