This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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