My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
