Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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