did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
