Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
