okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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