I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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