i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
