i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
