and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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