He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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