I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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