Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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