Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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