I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
