the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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