Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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