Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
