my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like, not good at living.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize