I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
