someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
either way he was missing a nipple.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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