at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
