I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it because I queefed?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
