i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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