Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
