The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
